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Monday, August 11, 2008
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1:07 PM
aft playing basketball in the morning , i felt so much refreshed . well , tmr start of prelims , infact , i aint worried . But I was infact more worried for my friends who will be taking tmr o lvl results . haas . lol , i also dunno why -.- ok for th past few weeks , i had been thinking . thinking abt this and that . infact , i even suspected everyone . and yeah , when i told someone abt my things, i will even doubt that person . i was wondering is this wht it called trust . thinking back to th person who I am now , a temperament person . wht leads to this , i guess i figured it out . in pri sch life , I only have few friends that are good to me . but most of th times , i was bullied by others . known as a fat pig , ugly person , "gorilla" and etc . I didnt dare to talk back to them , but everyday when I reached back home , i would hide inside my room crying for hours . and at that period of time , I yearned for someone to care for me so much , just a particular person . But infact , no one cares for me , even my family . In my heart , i yearned for someone care , concern and love , but i guessed .. and i was even used by my friend . becos of tt particular friend , i gt caned by my mum til green-black bruises . but hey , i'm nt joking . this is real life experienced . I had experienced that before . yupp , so when i headed to secondary sch , i told myself that I wont let any particular person to bully me . If that person dared to bully me , I shall took revenge . and this make my life into a drastic change . from a girl who always cried , to a person who is very hot-tempered . And entering secondary sch , I yearned to find a true friend . yupp , a friend who really can understand me th most , care , concern me . but yupp , not one stays long . you know th reason why ? because of my temperament . Yan ling told me that If i could change my temper , in her eyes , i'm a good friend . then that very particular day .. I thought of maybe my friendship with her gone haywire was becos of my this stupidility + foolish temper . so , yupp yan ling woke me up . she told me that if i gt to continue to be in this state , when i grew up in th society , It will be terrible for me . so i decided to change , nt for th sake of anyone , for myself . Now , I'm trying very hard to change and etc . but infact , now I can see that there's no differences between my pri and secondary life . becos , only few of them treat me good . some took me for granted , used me , only when in times of troubles came and approach me and stuffs . but still I'm willing to help them , perhaps this is what I called selfless . At this moment , i yearned for so many people ard me for th care and concern , but only few let me had th feeling of tht. Standing alone facing all this , was tough for me . but i gt to stay strong becos i cant disappoint ms lee . esp at this critical moment , with prelims and N lvl . So I sat back and thought of all this , thinking that good friends are hard to find . then only few of them will stay by ur side , while th others , will leave you one day . So yupp I know what's th feeling of being used and etc . So ppl out there , dun use ur friends becos it's isnt a nice feeling . In fact ,learned how to cherish them before they say bye bye to you . lastly , think about th consequences when you done something , rmb to put urself in other ppl shoes , and not keep thinking about urself . |
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